Tweet!

I am happy to announce, to myself, that I made a discovery. It's like one of those feel good books where you find out "that one thing" you have been looking for has been right inside you the whole time. I never lost my whistle, it was right here the whole time. No flashy music or fireworks.

The real issue here is USING my whistle. I need to blow my whistle.  However, I don't care for the tattle tale connotation that this term can generate.  So, let's agree not to let it be that. 

Back in the day, Mom and Dad gave me and the sis each a plastic whistle (mine was white with blue stripe) that was to be tied to our backpack.  We went on some lovely back country hiking trips when we were kids. Being responsible parents, they had emergency plans in place.  If ever we found ourselves "lost" or in trouble, all we had to do was blow our whistle and help would be on the way.

I am blowing my whistle. "TWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET"  For myself, on myself, to myself.

For years and years I have been so caught up in pleasing people and being worryied about what others think that I have lost myself in the equation.  This is an interesting study.  I have fought extra pounds around my waist, cooked lots of food, bought this or that, went here or there and set grand goals.  All valid actions taken generally taken for the wrong reasons.  How will this make me look?  How can I gain the appreciation of others?  Will I fit in when I accomplish this?

Today is a new day. Today I will begin to dismantle this filter that I have been running things through.  I will slow down and spend time listening, feeling, appreciating what I will do and why.

My first priority is my health. Without good health and a strong sense of wellbeing I can see, no, I know, how challenging everything else will be. If I bust my butt to get fit, which I have done many times over, because I am angry about how I LOOK, it is going to be a constant battle. And a painful one at that. I check myself in the mirror, I judge my progress by what I think others see or say, all external, all superficial.  The real, concrete, objective issues, and solutions, are deeper, inside.  I believe that if I work from there the external will be a revelation of internal health. I will look. I will listen. I will discover.

This hit me when I opened a catalog last week from Athleta.  Now, I have looked at hundreds of catalogs and had different thoughts, but this time it clicked.  From "Ooo, I like that outfit, I want to look like her" to "I want to FEEL like that woman looks; strong, peaceful, graceful."

I will pause.  I will question the origin of my thought processes.  This will not happen fast, this will be a journey that I will savor and enjoy.  I will emerge healthier, peaceful, stronger, joyful.

This is day 1.